We don't always have control over our negative thoughts. In times of great distress, mental illness, and adverse conditions, it is not always possible (or beneficial) to turn negativity in to positivity. Sometimes negativity is needed to get us out of bad situations, or to realize injustices in front of us.
However, in normal conditions, there are small ways we can change our viewpoints, self talk, and thought processes to working with a positive affect. Over time, this can leave us feeling less stressed, happier, and more carefree. The idea is to make sure our thoughts don't lean negative when it isn't helping us. We can end up in negative mind loops, making it so more thoughts are negative then our needed for our survival.
Changing like this does not happen instantly, but over time. It can feel hard to remember at first, then ingenuine, but eventually, like every behavior, it because comfortable and habitual. If we can change the way we think to lean positive instead of lean negative, when can overall have a better time.
1.Change to Gratitude
It can be easy throughout the days to loose sense of everything that we can be grateful for. There are so many people in the world that don't have access to education, homes, stable food and water sources, or safety, yet many people in places of privilage complain about minor inconveniences or disruptions. While you don't have to be grateful for the things in like that truly do suck, finding small things to be grateful instead of complaintive about can help move you towards a more positive mindset.
Example: Change "I only have 15 minutes left of my break" to "I get 15 more minutes of break". This removes us from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset. In situations where its not life or death, but just unfavorable, looking at the situation with abundance can make us enjoy it more, have more gratitude, and make better use of our time.
Example: Change "My computer sucks because it isn't the latest model and the screen is cracked" to "I'm happy my computer hasn't completely fallen apart and that I will have the opportunity to get a better one in the future". Especially with material possession, it can be easy to compare ours to others, and feel like what we have isn't enough. But every item we have is serving a purpose and has value when it is accomplishing your goals and tasks. This example is personal to me as I just waited 30 minutes for my laptop to do updates and do in fact have a cracked screen.
This can seem really small, and even pointless. But it the small things that we change that can keep our days more positive overall. We all have things to be legitimately upset or negative about, so why would we also make all of the small parts of our days negative as well? I try to keep this in mind when things aren't working my way or if I don't feel on par with the world around me.
2. Brightside thinking
This concept is one of the hardest to put in to practice, as you often have to fall back on it when facing a serious disappointment. But the thing about not getting something you want is that there is often little we can do about it, especially in terms of competitions, job interviews, awards, or chance encounters. When there is absolutely nothing we an do to change an outcome, it is a waste of time to dwell on it. Instead, focus on what you can do and what may be an another outcome of the situation at hand.
Its fine to express emotion when you don't get something you want, but it cannot consume us, keep us from growing further, or make us act out on others. This type of thinking will not remove your emotions regarding a missed opportunity, but can change your focal point about the situation.
Example: Change "I didn't get the opportunity I wanted " to "I I get to move on to another project". Opportunities come and go, and there will always be ones that don't work out. We never know what will come from a missed opportunity, as there are as many outcomes in missing an opportunity as getting an opportunity.
Example: Change "I should have worked harder to get that award" to "I did the best I could and now know what to do better for next time". There is no point in beating yourself up over things you can no longer change, instead look forward to how you now know to do better.
This can feel really stupid to do in the moment, but saying even one positive thing to yourself during a negative time can help ease feelings of disappointment. It can also help you realize what you may have learned, how much you grew through a process, or what other opportunities may now be available.
3. Changing our inner self-talk
We all do it. We all talk to ourselves, with our little inner monolog sometimes being on the same page as us, and other times it can be really negative. In cases of anxiety or depression, this negative self talk can become extreme, and should be dealt with under professional guidance. However, you can chose at any point to just say something nice about yourself, even if you may not truly believe it.
Think about it, when we the last time you gave a compliment to yourself and kept it to yourself? It can be easy to fake confidence and self-love in front of others, but when was the last time you showed it to yourself?
Example: Go up to the mirror, look at yourself, and simply say out loud "I love you". If this seems hard, you can start by saying "I like you" or even saying it in your head while looking at yourself. If you have suffered from a long standing habit of negative self talk, this can be really hard. Remember that there may be external factors that make you feel like you aren't worthy of self-love or that it would be appropriate to do this type of self work, but everyone, EVERYONE, deserve to be able to express love to themselves, no matter your gender, race, sexual orientation, or religion. Even if you have done things you aren't proud of, there is always opportunity to change and self love can be a great way to start.
Example: Try and recognize when you are saying or thinking negatively about yourself. You may find that you talk negatively about yourself during certain times or activities. You don't necessary have to change your thinking to be unconditionally positive, but even neutrality is a way to start. Change "I can't learn this skill and I'm stupid" to "I am trying really hard to learn and am persevering".
There will always be other people around to make us feel unworthy, anxious, or negative, so you don't need to self-perpetuate those thoughts. You are your own best friend, so be as helpful to yourself as possible. We all are deserving of love an respect, and are all just trying our best.